So, SO Thankful

These past couple weeks, my faith has been tested more than it ever has been my whole life.

Before I got married, I felt a lump in my left boobie. They have always been sore and tender, but I never thought much about it. Within the last couple months, I noticed it again, and realized how sore I was. Tanner's friends' mom passed away from Breast Cancer, and then he got concerned, and asked me to go see my doctor. I kept putting it off until I had a feeling I needed to go, and finally set up a consultation with my OB. My mom was in town, and it was nice to have her around while I was scared, although I was hoping it was just something caused from the hormones in my Birth Control, or something no big deal like that. 

After she consulted :) she told me I needed to get an ultrasound. That was sort of freaky, but I tried to blow it off. I was able to get an ultrasound at the actual office the next week, and that was a relief. So, I tried to get through conference weekend without worrying, and listening to the talks, hoping a certain talk would lift my spirits. On Sunday before my parents left, Tanner and my dad gave me a blessing, and that was when I really got nervous. I have never felt so scared, and alone. I immediately began to think "I have cancer". And, it doesn't help that this month is breast cancer awareness month. It was all over the radio, the tv, and news. I didn't know what to do. I had never personally gone through something like this. I've had friends and my father inlaw face cancer, but nothing in my immediate family, and I thought I would be the first.

I then went to get my ultrasound, and Tanner was supposed to be in a review, but he surprised me and stopped by the office. He was only able to stay for a couple minutes, but I felt so much more calm after that. I was so thankful he was with me. Then during the ultrasound, I was by myself. I seriously couldn't handle it. It took everything in me to hold back the tears as I saw her circle this big white oval thing in my chest. I kept asking her if she could tell if it was liquid or solid, and she said she couldn't say. I ran to the car balling my eyes out to Tanner over the phone. He met me at the duck pond on my way home, and comforted me. I love that boy. 

I was told I would hear in the next couple days, and they said it would be quick. I didn't hear on Tuesday, and by Wednesday at 3, I finally called them. All the nurse said to me, was, "Ya the Doctor looked at it, and said everything looks fine and normal!" I couldn't even be happy, I was more infuriated. Thats all she gave me. And, told me I could call the Utah Clinic when I asked why the radiologist didn't call me. NO ONE WAS HELPING ME! I finally called the nurse back and asked her to grab my file, and tell me everything that it said. I had waited two days, and I needed answers. "Fine" wasn't ok. I was able to find out that it was just excess tissue, and that I needed to watch it. 

After that novel, I'm here to say I'm cancer free, and fine! This was a reminder to me of how our lives could've changed so quickly. I thought about raising our kids with a shaved head, etc. That's not healthy to be that worried, but I would've been so close. Cancer is so scary, and sucks. I'm so thankful for all of the prayers from my family and close friends. I really felt them, and they comforted me to realize everything would be ok. This was an eye opener, and I'm thankful for the experience, because it has made me stronger, and realized to never take anything for granted. 

I saw this video by a few friends, who knows this woman. I can just tell she is so strong, and amazing. My heart and prayers go out to her, and her family.

The Future Belongs to the Brave